Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
