I wish I could teleport
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
