Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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