I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
