ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
