Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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