is this the sara with the beer cane?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
