we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
