i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Life is so much better after having sex.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
