I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
