You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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