if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
