The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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