my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize