I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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