so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
