Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my being single is dangerous.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
