like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
