She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
