First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
