hell yes lets make some ravioli
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize