Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
