cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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