I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
