sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
