Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize