he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize