how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
