just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
