Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
