yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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