no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
