Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize