I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
