I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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