that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize