Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize