i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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