Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
