Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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