WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
