Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
