you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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