My first STD was from a foam party
I am spending my child support on dildos
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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