You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
