What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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