I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
