I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
