"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
