There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
