So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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