Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
