We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
