seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
