come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
