Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
