dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
