Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
