I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
