Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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