I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
