found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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