Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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