well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
