In the future we'll all be gay
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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