is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She needs sedatives and a leash
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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