Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
