Just cropdusted the office
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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