when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
