I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
